Any Given Wednesday
Today I was awoken with a jolt before the sun had risen.
Today I rushed to the ER with my mom who verbalized today was the day…
She was dying. She was ready to go. She was comfortable with this knowledge.
What we do in the face of crisis is left as an open question. I certainly don’t have the answers. I quite honestly don’t want the answers. I said the only thing I knew to say…
I comforted her and told her she had accomplished all that she needed to.
She had loved all that she loved so purely. We know this. She does not need to hold on for us. We understand. My day began believing today was the last day of her life.
12 hours later, we are back home, she is resting and I am journaling because what else can I do but try to express my sadness via words or expression tomorrow on the mat.
How does one manage the constant fluctuation of emotion?
How do we start the day in fear and try to end it in gratitude?
How do I digest this all?
I don’t know. So I share.
I share my pain, my honesty regarding a situation I was not prepared to manage on an average Wednesday morning.
I am learning, just as you are, to live.
Sometimes I don’t want to partake in this life any longer. But then I look around. I feel the unconditional love of my children who need me.
I feel the support of my true friends, not the fair-weather friends. The ones who are here for me every single day.
I struggle, just as you may.
Tomorrow, I will awake, another day What will it bring?
I do not know.
But what I do know, is that I will persevere.
I will show up to life.
I will be me.
I will be the support I need to be for mom.
I will try to find happiness in the smallest of moments.
I will arrive on mat and again, try to heal for what seems like a lifetime of healing.
Every day is a different experience, we must embrace them all.
This is what I try to teach others every day they come to their mats.
Today was a terrible day.
Tomorrow will be a new day.
Nicole Zornitzer, ERYT 1000, yoga therapist, founder of Niyama Yoga & Wellness Studio in Randolph, New Jersey.
As published in Natural Awakenings, North New Jersey.